I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
