end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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