there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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