she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
All I want is dick and wine.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize