Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
