ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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