omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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