I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
