I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
