y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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