Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize