Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
