He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
