using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
