she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
