Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
