I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
