Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
