i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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