We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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