nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Someone came in the potted fern
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
