The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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