You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
