my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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