i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
