Porn is love you can see.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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