What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
