if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
