she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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