I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
