how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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