If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize