it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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