i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Four minutes until I can fart!
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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