dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Randomize
