i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
