is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
