Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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