theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
