I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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