Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
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