Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
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