the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
im on a boat
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