Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
