My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
