I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize