so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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