wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize