I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
