when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
