Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
