i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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