No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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