My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
