Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
