How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Randomize
