It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
