I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
