Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
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