There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
