You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
