Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
