Apparently you make a good broom.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize