I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
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