He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
