she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
