i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
