At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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