like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize