i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
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