she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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