Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
