theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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