She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
