I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
