i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
