My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
