sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
