Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
