We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
