Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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