Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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