Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I'm at about main and main street
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
