remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
