Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize