Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
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