hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
