i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i was born a porn star she said
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Randomize
