Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
last night I used snow as a chaser
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