dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
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