Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I have feelings that need drinking.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
